


can't help the itch to touch- to kiss.

by thescienceofphan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Dan's a whore, Deaf Character, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Getting Together, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, M/M, Mutual Pining, Patronizing Disabled People, Phil is deaf, Pining, Slut Shaming, an unlikely friendship between a slut and an innocent bean, atleast i think so, cute things happen, sex on a belfry, that's a first
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 22:15:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7592338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thescienceofphan/pseuds/thescienceofphan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil is deaf and Dan sleeps around a lot. So when people see them together, they worry about Phil’s emotional well being and shame on Dan for preying on a deaf boy, but it’s not like that. Not at all.</p><p>(or an AU where deaf!phil and playboy!dan are best friends and people think they’re dating)</p>
            </blockquote>





	can't help the itch to touch- to kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> story inspired by the Deaf West's version of Hanschen and Ernst in Spring Awakening (but like a very watered down version of them because Dan's not a manipulative lil' shit). this is just a little something i wrote to get back into the writing spirit and i'm so happy how it turned out! I hope you guys like it 
> 
> (the title is from the song Left Behind in Spring Awakening)
> 
> BSL = British Sign Language

Dan could always feel eyes on him. Whenever he walked to school, walked the hall, in class, and whenever he walked home. It was almost like they were judging him— no, they _were_ judging him, like they knew who Dan was from a couple of rumours going around school.

 _Well fuck them_ , Dan thought, _like he cares_. So what if the rumours were true? Okay, maybe he _did_ sleep around, so what? Did they want their turn or something? Or were they more concerned about poor Phil? Was that it? Jesus, Dan was tired of it, it wasn’t like that. Not at _all_.  Besides, it wasn’t like Dan was staying in high school for another year; he was graduating… he hoped to, at least. It was safe to admit that Dan was failing in a bunch of his classes, and that was where Phil Lester was first introduced into his life.

Phil Lester was different from all of the people Dan had met, he just radiated with this happy-go-lucky, optimistic, sunshine like aura, like nothing could ever touch him, like the whole world was with him. Almost like the complete opposite of Dan. And what made Phil Lester even more unique? He was deaf. Ever since he was born, he had never heard a single thing. Of course, this made everything a lot more challenging for him, but he acts as if his disability wasn’t getting in the way of everything he ever wanted to do. And that was why Dan Howell was so mesmerised by him; he would always wonder how they became friends in the first place.

It all started in Maths class, and Dan was completely lost in all the equations and rules, he was practically banging his head on his desk trying to understand it all. He needed tutoring but not the ones that you pay, fuck no, he just needed some clarification on some things. Tutor from a student in the class maybe? He went with that idea. Surprisingly, the best in his Maths class was Phil Lester. Their teacher luckily knew how to sign for him whenever there was a lecture, just to make it easier for him to understand how equations and formulas go. The problem was with Dan, how would he get tutoring from Phil? And would Phil even agree?

Dan thought about it throughout the rest of Maths class. After a lot of thinking, he finally flipped over his notebook to the back side and neatly wrote: **_I want to ask you something._** Dan couldn’t help the feeling that something about this felt wrong, it wasn’t like he was going to seduce the boy, he was just going to ask if Phil could tutor him, that’s it. Nothing malicious.

When the bell rang, he hurriedly packed up and opened the backside of his notebook, his pen clutched on his other hand. Dan nervously read the phrase he wrote over and over again until he walked over to Phil’s desk. Of course, Phil being Phil, he didn’t even hear Dan walk up to him as he packed up, so Dan gently tapped him on the shoulder and he turned around, looking a little surprise.

Dan held out the notebook, Phil glanced at it nervously and read the phrase, he tensed up for a second before looking up at Dan with what the other boy would assume was a “what about?” expression.

With the pen in his hand, Dan lifted it and wrote, **_Come with me in the library today at lunch, we can talk there. I’ll buy you lunch afterwards if you like_**

Phil, who was still looking like he was holding his breath, contemplated for a moment before letting his breath out. He stood up and smiled at Dan before nodding.

On the way to the library, Dan thought about ways on how he’d ask Phil to tutor him, like should he start with small talk or get to the point? In addition to their walk to the library, a bunch of people stared at them, more specifically at Dan. They were giving him the look of _disgust_. And Dan knew why, they probably thought Phil was his next ‘bed warmer’ and now they were looking at him like they were saying, “Don’t you have any mercy?”. Dan hated it. It wasn’t like that at _all_. 

Once they sat at a table in the library, Dan thought, _fuck it_ , and straightforwardly asked Phil (or in this case, wrote), **_I know you’re good in math. I’m not. I was wondering if maybe if you could tutor me or something if that’s okay?_** he even added a, **_please?_** when he saw Phil look at him sceptically. And Phil, being the actual angel he was, chewed his lip for a moment before slowly nodded. Fuck yes!

 Dan huffed out a breath, smiled brightly at Phil and signed one of the very few BSL phrases he knew.  
  
_"Thank you.”_

Phil smiled back and signed, what Dan assumed, “ _You’re welcome.”_ His smile though melted into a more pondering expression as he took Dan’s pen from his hand, their fingers brushing briefly, and wrote on Dan’s notebook.

**_You don’t mind that I’m deaf and/or can’t speak properly?_ **

Dan stared at the sentence for a while before taking back the pen from Phil’s hand, **_No, I’m sure we can make it work. I want to be tutored by you specifically_** , Dan mentally slapped himself when it ended up sounding a bit flirty, but he hoped Phil wouldn’t take it the wrong way and hoped he’d still be tutoring him.

Phil just smiled brighter upon reading it and looked up at Dan, mouthing a cheerful, _Okay_. Dan still caught the twinge of pink in his cheeks, though.

* * *

   
Things went on from there. They agreed on having their tutoring sessions in Phil’s house, Dan couldn’t forget the smile plastered on Phil’s mum when he went there for the first time, it wasn’t like the sneers and fake smiles put on from people in school, it was a genuine smile. A warm and welcoming one, like Phil’s.

They communicated through writing; Phil would write the procedures on how to get the answers and Dan would follow. It was nice. Peaceful, innocent, it was different from what Dan was used to. He never left another boy’s house without a good fuck, and that alone just said a lot about Dan’s life.

It wasn’t like Dan hasn’t thought about it, Phil _was_ pretty cute, bodily fit, slim— of course Dan was attracted to him, and _maybe_ fantasised about him once in a while when he gets himself off, but he would always feel guilty about doing it the next day. He had to control himself, Dan was here to _learn_ , not fuck. He’s going to have to get good grades in order to graduate, obviously.

The tutoring sessions went on for weeks, they would go home together every Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays, and every time they walked together side by side, eyes would be on them. The people around school weren’t even being discreet about it, they were loudly whispering and scoffing at them behind their backs. Rumours were going around school that Dan Howell was sleeping with Phil Lester and everyone went batshit crazy about it.

“What does Dan think he’s doing?! Does he not have any mercy?”

“Poor Phil, why would he agree to such a thing? Does he even know who Dan Howell is?”

“Dan Howell has definitely crossed the line.”

“Phil’s such a sweet heart, what the hell is he doing with Dan?”

“Phil’s first should be someone who is amazing, not Dan Howell.”

Dan absolutely hated it. He lost count on how many times he had to correct the story, “He’s just tutoring me, we’re not doing anything,” but no one would believe him.

“Shagging deaf boys now are we, Howell?” Austin, that fucker, approached him one afternoon when Dan was in the library at lunch.

“I’m not sleeping with him, dickhead,” Dan sighed, uninterested in Austin’s attempts to poke and prod him as he tried to find a book to write an essay about.

“Well I’ve been seeing you two together a lot recently, you walk together in his house too…” the other boy continued, sneering at Dan as he leaned on the shelves.

“We’re not together,” Dan almost grunted, but held himself back as another student brushed passed him.

Austin slowly pulled a smug smile, “I guess you’re still not over me, huh.”

Something about how Austin said that phrase both frustrated and clenched Dan’s heart. He spat out a bitter laugh at Austin before he took his book and quickly left the aisle, he just couldn’t stand another minute with that bastard.

* * *

   
It was tiring trying to talk to Phil through writing, he knew that Phil was capable of lip reading but he just wanted to make it easier for him. So Dan secretly took BSL classes, bought a BSL dictionary and tried his very best to learn sign language for his and Phil’s benefit. He even went as far as not talking at all in one weekend and just used sign language to practice his conversational skills. His parents were very confused and very concerned at first but they were heart warmed by it afterwards when Dan had to explain why he was learning how to sign (plus, the guy he hooked up with on that Saturday didn’t mind at all, he thought it was really cute). Dan wanted it to be a surprise too, so he decided that he’d try to show Phil what he learned (so far) during midterms.

He and Phil had gotten a lot close due to the tutoring session, they would talk about things from school after Dan’s lessons. Things, people from school, things going on in the city, likes, dislikes and all that. Sometimes, they discuss about Phil’s disability.

 ** _Have you ever wondered what music sounds like?_** Dan unexpectedly asked on the side of his notes during one of their tutoring sessions, Muse playing on his phone in the background.

Phil looked up from the notebook and gave Dan a soft smile before writing back, **_All the time. It’s always been my dream to go to a concert and just close my eyes and LISTEN to real, live music. If I get hearing aids and do just that, I hope it’s everything I was hoping for_**

Dan’s heart warmed as he read the last sentence, **_So you’re getting hearing aids?_**

Phil’s faced scrunched up into a pondering expression, **_I hoped to. We were planning on it, they cost a LOT of money so we’re just trying to save up for it_**

**_Well, if you do get hearing aids, call me. I’ll take you to a Muse concert and you’ll fall in love with Matt Bellamy’s beautiful voice._ **

Phil, for the first time since Dan has met him, laughed and blushed as he turned to Dan and smiled oh, so brightly, before he wrote, **_I can’t wait to hear your voice too. I imagine it would be beautiful as well, maybe more beautiful than Matt Bellamy's._**

Dan let out a shy giggle after Phil finished writing, this was the first time the deaf boy ever flirted with him, **_Have you wondered how YOUR voice sounds? Your laugh is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard_** , and it was true, Dan was also pretty sure his face was flaming red as he wrote that last phrase which was kind of rare for Dan. He was usually an expert in the flirting field, and he was used to being confident and keeping his cool while flirting. It was just different for Phil.

As if on cue, Phil giggled shyly as his face turned red as well, it was even cuter than the laugh, **_I doubt it, I can only feel the vibrations on my throat and just imagine how horrible it probably sounds._**

 ** _It’s not horrible I swear_** , Dan wrote back, smiling at him sweetly.

“Really?” Phil suddenly said, which startled the fuck out of Dan. After all of this writing and signing practice mumbo-jumbo, it hit Dan all of the sudden that even though Phil was deaf, he was still capable of speech. It wasn’t the most perfect, he thought, because he’s never heard anyone speak, but he was still able to actually _speak_. That alone amazed Dan.

The deaf boy, after seeing Dan’s surprised expression, laughed out loud afterwards, “Look at your face! I probably sound so disgusting, huh?”

“N-No, it’s just… I kind of forgot that you could—” Dan stopped himself, he was still in a state of shock and it also occurred to him that Phil probably didn’t know what he was saying judging by the fact that Phil was staring very closely at his lips with his eyebrows crunched up in concentration.

He looked down at his notebook and began writing again, **_I just want to know how you’re able to speak and say words without hearing anyone speak or say anything at all_**

“Well, like I said earlier, I could only feel the vibrations in my throat when I speak,” Phil spoke again, slowly and carefully so Dan could understand what he’s trying to say, “so I learned how to speak through the vibrations of my throat and through mouth movements from lip reading. It’s obviously not perfect, people have a hard time trying to understand what I say. So that’s why I prefer using BSL or passing notes like what we’re doing now.”

Phil was right, it was really hard to understand what he said from his diction. So Dan, embarrassingly and guiltily, had to ask him to write the gist of what he said down on the notebook, which was totally fine for Phil.

After Dan read the gist, he looked up and smiled at Phil, both fondly and in awe.

“You’re incredible…” Dan suddenly thought out loud, he was thankful that Phil was deaf but judging by the fact that Phil’s eyes quickly averted from his eyes and blushed furiously, Phil knew what he said.

That night, Dan couldn’t stop thinking about how smooth and deep Phil’s voice was. It was like melted chocolate. He tried to stop himself from imagining it in inappropriate situations, but ultimately failed. He couldn’t stop imagining how Phil’s moans and groans would sound like. Or his whimpers. Or his whines. Well, it definitely helped spurred on his inappropriate thoughts and imaginations as he palmed himself through his pajama bottoms.

 

* * *

   
After weeks and weeks of tutoring and BSL practicing, midterms came around pretty fast. And after Dan finally wrote his Maths exams, he nearly ran to the library to meet up with Phil.

The deaf boy, who had been waiting there for twenty minutes after he walked out of the same room, was all gesturing and smiling when he saw Dan run to him. “Well? How was it?” his facial expression and gesturing said.

Dan, whose face was neutral throughout his entire run to the library, broke into a huge grin and signed, completely surprising Phil, _"It was super easy! I know I aced it!"_

Phil, who was still surprised about the fact that Dan knew BSL now, signed back.

_"I knew you could do it! I’m so happy for you!"_

Dan chuckled, _“Thanks to you, of course! ‘Couldn’t have done it without you.”_

Phil then giggled shyly. " _You’re welcome,"_ he signed, " _but it was your work, I was just there to push you through it all."_

Dan shrugged. _"I guess,"_ he signed back, _"we should celebrate!"_

Phil broke into a bright and excited smile, _"We should!"_

They both began to walk from the library, Dan hooked Phil with his arm around his shoulder and tried to sign and say at the same time, “I know where to go, my treat.”

The ice cream shop near the lake was Dan’s favourite place. Firstly, it was only seventy cents for a huge ice cream cone, and secondly, they get a beautiful view of the lake, but Phil had other plans. Once they bought their ice cream, Phil led Dan to _his_ favourite place, which was an abandoned church hidden in the woods.

They climbed upstairs until they reached the belfry, luckily there were no bells up there or Phil would accidentally bump into it and ring it, knowing that Phil was a clutz. Not that the ring with affect Phil, but Dan would really appreciate it if they would leave that place without his ears bleeding.

The deaf boy, with his half eaten ice cream, walked over to the ledge and sat down, looking a little more cheerful that he normally did. Phil turned back to Dan and gestured him to come over.

For the rest of the afternoon they sat there, with their ice creams in their hands until it was devoured, and just stared at the trees and buildings further away below them. It was quiet, save for the birds and trees rustling, peaceful, and it felt like there were just two of them in the world. Dan absolutely loved it there, it became his favourite place too.

They talked for hours about random things: books, tv shows, movies, how Phil watches tv shows and movies (subtitles, duh Dan). Phil corrected Dan’s signs once in a while when he got them wrong, also asked him when he learned BSL. Dan admitted to him learning it in secret to surprise Phil that day, and Phil could barely hide his red cheeks.

There was a moment when they both stopped talking and just stared down at the trees in silence, but it was interrupted when Phil tapped him on the shoulder and shyly signed, _"We’re still going to hang out even if I’m not tutoring you anymore, right?"_

Dan let out a disbelieved chuckle, _"Of course we would."  
_

Phil smiled timidly before it suddenly disappeared, he slowly lifted his hands and signed.

_"My friends told me to stay away from you."_

Dan’s heart dropped.

 _"And so did other people,"_ he continued, _"I know they must’ve gotten the wrong idea but_ _they told me you sleep around—that you slept with a lot of people,_ a  pause, _is it true?"_

Dan scoffed bitterly, more at himself than Phil, and turned away from the deaf boy.

“Like you care…” he muttered as he shook his head. He didn’t even look at Phil when he signed, _"What if it is?"_

There was another long stretch of silence— uncomfortable silence, before Dan groaned and turned back to Phil who was staring blankly in the distance. The other boy quickly turned to Dan as well.                                        

 _“What if I did sleep around? Would you not want to hang out with me anymore”?_ Dan signed a little too defensively. 

Phil flinched and quickly signed back, “ _No, I would still want to hang out with you! It’s just…”_ his hands slowed down to a pause as he looked at Dan sympathetically, “ _I don’t like the stuff they’re telling me about you.”_

Another tired sigh slipped out of Dan’s mouth, “If you could only _hear_ what they’re saying…”

He turned back to Phil and gave him a sad smile, “ _Just be glad you can’t actually hear them, it’s worse coming out of their mouths.”_

Phil let out a sympathetic giggle.

_“They just don’t know you like I do.”_

_Damn you, Phil Lester,_ Dan thought as he watched Phil sign those words, his stomach slowly filling with butterflies _, what are you doing to me?_

* * *

   
The second semester flowed so much slower than Dan had expected, but now that he hung out with Phil every once in a while, he was able to bear school for once. Of course there were still whispers in the halls, but Dan was able to block them all out as if he was deaf like Phil, but the whispers would just somehow find their way under Dan’s skin anyway. He tried not to care, it annoyed him every now and then but all he needed was to see Phil’s sunshine-y face and the whispers would completely disappear.

He _may_ or _may not have_ developed a huge crush on the deaf boy. Everything between them had been purely platonic, which was surprisingly good too. But Dan couldn’t help but wonder if maybe Phil kinda likes him too. Did Phil even like guys?

Dan tried to test this out when he invited Phil over to his house and suddenly exclaimed (like Phil would even hear it), “Heads up!” and threw Phil a gay porno magazine he kept under his bed. It took a while for Phil to know what it was before his eyes popped out of his sockets and his face burned bright red as he harshly threw it back at Dan, looking mortified while Dan laughed like a hyena. So maybe that was a yes.

Still, it didn’t change the fact that Phil was probably the most innocent teenager to ever exist in the school. An optimistic, innocent deaf boy— Jesus, he was catnip for people like Dan, but Dan held back though. He didn’t want to ruin Phil, he was too precious. But that didn’t stop him from thinking about Phil when he fingers himself in the shower. Or when he sleeps with black hair and blue eyed guys in parties. The forbidden fruit _is_ the sweetest or whatever that saying was, he just didn’t want anyone to hurt Phil.

So when he saw Austin getting all up and close with Phil on a table in the library one day, it automatically flipped a switch in Dan’s brain. He stomped his way to the table and gave Austin the death stare.

“Hey there, Daniel…” the smug bastard purred as he moved a little farther away from Phil as Dan arrived, the deaf boy just simply smiled at him and waved, “I was just asking for Phil’s help in math, he’s such a good teacher, I can see why you specifically asked for _him_ when you wanted a math tutor.”

“Whatever it is you’re doing, Austin, _stop_.”

“What are you talking about?” the other boy asked in an innocent voice, followed by a sinister smile.

“Don’t fucking touch him.”

Austin laughed out loud, “Are we seriously having this conversation in front of him? That’s kinda rude, don’t you think?”

Dan glanced at Phil for a moment and saw his confused expression. Phil knew there was heat going on between Dan and Austin, but he had _absolutely_ no idea what about.

“Besides, it’s not like you guys are fucking, I know that much,” Austin suddenly said, “so if you’re not having him, why can’t I?”

Dan didn’t know exactly what happened afterwards, he just remembered feeling a red, hot ball of anger suddenly over coming him and the next thing he knew, he was being harshly dragged away from the floor by a teacher. He looked down and saw Austin on the floor, hair and clothes dishevelled and his nose and mouth profusely bleeding. Dan lifted a hand to his face and felt blood running down his own nose and mouth as well.  

They were both dragged to the office first before the clinic. Apparently, according to Phil (bless him, he had to actually _talk_ to quickly tell the principal what was going on, and the principal had to make him write it down instead because he didn’t understand half of what Phil said), Dan threw the first ruthless punch that sent Austin tumbling out of his seat, he then straddle punched him not before the other guy fought back, and then they just brawled it out on the floor until Phil came back with a teacher. They were subjected to a three day suspension.

When Dan was holding up a bag of ice onto his face in the clinic, Phil shyly entered the room.

 _"How are you?"_ he asked.

 _"I’m fantastic_ ," Dan signed back, his face emotionless as he dropped the bag of ice on his lap, implying the sarcasm.

Phil stepped closer to Dan. " _Why did you hit Austin? What did he say?"_

 _"Leave it,"_ Dan quickly signed as he grabbed the bag of ice from his lap and pressed it harder onto his face again, trying to avoid eye contact with Phil.

 _"I need to know!"_ Phil signed more aggressively, _"I’m sorry I can’t hear anything but I want to know what happened!"_

Dan just remained silent and stared into a corner of the room, hoping that if he didn’t talk at all, Phil would just leave the room. It was better for him to be oblivious about Austin’s intentions.

Phil suddenly walked in front of Dan and signed just as aggressively as before, _"If it’s about me, tell me anyway! I’m not made of glass."  
_

Dan felt a tad guilty for thinking that Phil was as fragile as a flower. The boy could handle himself, he should’ve known that. But he still didn’t say anything, he just looked at Phil with an uninterested expression.

 _"Look,"_ Phil sighed, _"I know how you feel about Austin. I know what happened between you two."_

Dan didn’t need to sign to say, “What the fuck do you mean?” because his face said it for him.

_"You slept with him, and you loved him… I know that much. But he—"  
_

Phil didn’t even get to finish signing before Dan abruptly stood up, looking like he would murder Phil on the spot with his eyes filled with fury, teeth clenched tightly together and his unoccupied fist balled up on his side.

“Like you fucking know what happened. You don’t know anything!” he shouted in front of Phil before throwing the bag of ice onto the bed he was sitting on and quickly stormed out of the room.

 _Fuck Austin, fuck Phil, fuck everything!_ Dan thought as he stomped angrily all the way from the school to his house, he was suspended anyway. 

Dan wasn’t going to admit that he cried himself to sleep that night. He just knew fucked up.

* * *

   
During his last day of suspension, Dan thought it would a good idea to go to the abandoned church in the afternoon, not because he was hoping Phil would be there too, not at all, he just… wanted some peace, that’s all.

So he was _obviously_ super surprised when he saw the deaf boy climb up the belfry to see Dan sitting miserably against the wall. Phil looked at him, almost in awe, and waved his hand. Dan waved back, a sad smile stretching across his face.

 _"I didn’t know you were going to be here,"_ Phil shyly signed, which immediately stabbed Dan’s heart.

 _"Well, I’m sorry. Do you want me to leave?"_ Dan hurriedly signed as he tried to get up from his spot, he didn’t realise how long he’d been sitting on that spot until his lower back suddenly popped from his rapid movements.

 _"No!"_ Phil quickly signed as he ran in front of Dan, trying to keep him from getting up, _"I wanted to talk to you actually."_

The deaf boy then sat himself beside Dan and leaned on the wall. No one said or signed anything for several minutes, they just let the awkward silence melt into a more comfortable one before they get into apologies, or whatever they wanted to say.

Phil was the first one to break the silence, _"I’m sorry about what happened a few days ago, I shouldn’t have—"_

 _"No, no,"_ Dan interrupted him, _" I’m sorry, you didn’t do anything, I overreacted," _he stopped to laugh a bit, _"hell, I beat the shit out of Austin for fuck sake, talk about overreacting…"_

Phil smiled sadly at Dan, he lifted his hands to sign something but ultimately stopped himself and dropped them to his lap. But Dan seemed to know what he wanted to ask anyway.

 _"I met Austin about a year ago or so…"_ Dan started, _"we_ _met at a party and everything, I actually had my eye on him for a long time but I just never had the courage to approach him I guess. So yeah, we went out, we…"_ Dan stopped to roll his eyes, mostly in embarrassment than annoyance as he shyly signed “ _fucked_ ” and took a second before continuing, _"we went out for weeks— months, and by then, I started to think we were actually dating and it wasn’t just a fling or whatever."_

Dan suddenly stopped signing again, he just stared off into the distance with his eyebrows furrowed. Phil swore he looked somewhere between the lines of angry and severely hurt.

 _"And somewhere along the way… I started to fall in love with him,"_ Dan started to sign again, a little fast at first and then slowed down at the end, _"when I told Austin,"_ he chuckled bitterly, _"he just fucking laughed at me. The next day, he invited me over to his house and when I got there, I walked into him fucking some other bastard on his bed."_

Dan’s hands were suddenly speeding up in an angry way as he continued, _"And he didn’t even look sorry! He wanted me to walk into him fucking that son of a bitch. He just had this look in his face like he was saying that he was done with me as he fucked that other guy senselessly, like he was telling me that I was a fool for thinking that we had something together… so if people want to talk to shit, they should know that he’s the slut! He’s the whore, not me! Not me… " _ 

Phil then gently put his hand over Dan’s shaking ones after he finished signing. The other boy stared at Phil in surprise as he felt Phil smear something wet when he held his hand, Dan didn’t even realised he was tearing up. He quickly wiped away his tears before he covered Phil’s hand with his other one, the deaf boy’s mouth twitched a small smile when Dan started to rub his fingers in smooth circles on Phil’s hand.

“I don’t want that to happen to you, I don’t want him to hurt you…” Dan whispered as his eyes scanned over Phil’s beautiful face before ending up on his eyes, then later on his mouth, “not you…”

Suddenly, everything felt hot. Dan could practically feel the heat radiating from Phil as he licked his lips; his eyes flickering back and forth from the deaf boy’s lips to his eyes. Poor Phil didn’t catch what Dan said, he hoped he didn’t just miss on something important.

Dan then lifted up his hand from Phil’s and cupped it on his cheek. He leaned in, eyes closed, and softly pressed his lips against Phil’s, in the chastest way like he didn’t want to scare or hurt Phil in _any_ way like Austin did to him. During the kiss, Dan felt Phil move his mouth against his, like he was trying to make the kiss a little more real, and it automatically made Dan’s insides stir up all at once.

But before both of them could savour in the kiss, Dan pulled away and leaned his forehead against Phil’s. He kept his eyes closed, both in shame and in bliss, but he felt the deaf boy slowly rubbing his nose against him, like he was comforting Dan.  

“Sorry…” Dan whispered, eyes still closed, “I couldn’t hold back anymore…”

He felt Phil slowly shook his head, their foreheads rubbing together, and lifted both his hands to cup at Dan’s face as if to say, _“No, It’s okay.”_

It’s almost as if the conversation they had and the kiss popped a cork inside of Dan and now every pent up emotion he held came pouring out all at once, and he just didn’t know how to contain it, so he just let it all out, _“I just didn’t want you to think that I’m taking advantage of you— I didn’t want you to think that what people are saying is true and I-I’ll just—”_

Phil stopped Dan by rubbing his thumb on Dan’s mouth, he shook his head more insistently. With that, he lifted up Dan’s head and forced him to look at Phil as he signed, “ _No—no, I don’t think that. I never thought that. Dan…”_ he signed Dan’s sign name on the said guy’s forehead to get him to look at Phil in the eyes, which was usually the curve of the d on the BSL alphabet going across your forehead like a fringe, _“you’ve been so good to me, you’re so kind and gentle. You’re not like Austin, I promise. You’re incredible, Dan… I’ve been wanting for this to happen for so long, I’ve dreamt about it every night, you’re so amazing and funny and sexy and I just… I want this…”_

Dan thought he might burst into tears again as he lifted his hands to sign, he didn’t deserve Phil.

_“You’re too good for me, I don’t deserve you— you don’t deserve some whore. You deserve someone who wouldn’t hurt you, someone who would love you and care about you—”_

_“Are you saying you don’t care about me at all?”_ Phil suddenly signed, stopping Dan, tears were hanging on the brim of his eyes, _“That you would hurt me too? And…you don’t…”_ his hands stopped, afraid to even sign the words.

Dan just stared at his hands, his heart aching more and more, _“That’s not what I meant…”_ he took in a deep breath and stared back up at Phil’s eyes, tears were falling from his eyes now, and Dan didn’t want to see that. It pained him to see the happy-go-lucky deaf boy tearing up, who would ever break that cutie? _“I…I do care about you… so much.”_

The deaf boy wiped away his tears and sniffed, looking back up from Dan’s hands with fond and soft eyes.

_“But… you deserve so much better, Phil.”_

He suddenly heard a near frustrated grunt from the deaf boy as he signed, _“Will people stop saying that please? I’m tried of it…”_

Dan then straightened up and stared at Phil, suddenly intrigued and ready for what seemed like a stream of pent up emotion bottled up inside Phil finally spilling out.

 _“I’m not that fragile,”_ Phil slowly signed, _“even though I’m deaf, it doesn’t mean I’m not capable of other things normal people are capable of. And yeah I can’t hear, but I can choose for myself, I don’t care if it’s dangerous, I don’t care if I’ll get hurt, I’m not that ‘precious’, I’m just like every one of you. I can handle myself, please don’t patronize me just because I can’t hear or speak out properly. I’m so tired of people seeing me like I’m a three-legged dog. I don’t want you, out of all people, to see me like that, Dan…”_

The other boy suddenly felt a pang of guilt. Phil was right, part of the reason why he thought Phil was the most fragile thing in the world was because he was deaf, but the other part being because he was so sweet, happy and innocent. But Phil could handle himself. He shouldn’t think because he’s all that, he’d break easily.

 _“So I don’t care if people think I’m better off with someone else, I don’t care if you think I deserve so much better because I want you,”_ Phil’s eyes turned more caring and loving, _“I chose you, out of everyone you think would be better for me, I chose you. I love you...”_

Instead of feeling guilty again, Dan just felt incredibly happy and overwhelmed. His brain suddenly felt all mushy and cloudy, the butterflies in his stomach suddenly spread around his body and he was almost shaking in happiness, his entire body felt hot.

“I love you, Dan…” Phil repeated, actually saying it this time.

Dan _really_ couldn’t hold back anymore.

He lifted his hands up and cupped the back of Phil’s neck, pulling him forward for another kiss, a deeper and a more passionate one. Phil sighed through his nose as he shifted closer to Dan and gripped onto his shoulder, his hands sliding up and down Dan’s arms as Dan sucked lightly on the deaf boy’s bottom lip.  

The kisses were getting deeper, messier, hotter, and when Dan slipped his tongue inside Phil’s mouth, Phil just let out a moan, and it clouded Dan’s brain with lust. Their make out session started pretty normal, but after Dan’s hands rubbed around Phil’s neck and combed through his hair, pulling it once in a while, it got more fervent— more eager, with Dan’s tongue rubbing over Phil’s upper teeth and everything. Phil was _actually_ whimpering and moaning and it sent all of Dan’s blood rushing down his crotch, it was almost _exactly_ how he had imagined it.     

And then Phil pulled away all of the sudden, panting, his face red, his lips shining and raw, and his hair sticking up in various places. His eyes opened half way and he looked at Dan through his eyelids, he looked… ashamed? Embarrassed almost.

“What’s wrong?” Dan whispered, rubbing his hands in a comforting way on Phil’s neck.

Phil probably didn’t hear what Dan said, but he closed his eyes and chewed on his own lip. When he opened them again, his eyes darted down his own crotch and his breathing picked up. He closed his eyes again, clearly ashamed. “I-I….”

Dan stared at the tent in Phil’s crotch and groaned, it’s taking all of his will power not to jump on this boy and ravish him whole. He _wanted_ to take things slow, it was probably Phil’s first sexual experience (with another person, at least) and Dan wanted to make the best of it.  

So slowly, he signed, _“Do you want me to…”_

Phil’s breath shifted, he tried his best to even out his deep breaths as he slowly nodded, his eyes fluttering close again when he felt Dan’s hands slid down his body from his neck to his hips, rubbing them up and down his thighs, coaxing them to spread. The deaf boy buried his face into Dan’s neck as he adjusted his legs with the help of Dan and placed them on either side of Dan’s hips.

With his hands roaming around Phil’s body, he raised them back up and rubbed his nipples through his thin uniform, making the deaf boy pant against his neck. In other situations, Dan would hate it when people breathe down his neck but right now, it just turned him on even more— how this innocent and precious boy was slowly unravelling in his hands, defending himself for so long and now fully surrendering himself to Dan. The thought of it just wanted to make Dan scream. 

“D…Dan…” he heard Phil whimper next to his ear, his hands grabbing onto Dan like it was the only way he could breathe.

The other boy held back a moan when one of his hands left Phil’s nipples and slid down in front of his trousers, palming his already hard cock. The deaf boy probably never even touched himself ( _ever_ ) because he was slowly coming undone by just making out and rubbing his nipples. He held back from doing all these dirty things and oh god, he was just missing out on _so_ many things.

Phil let out a loud moan when Dan squeezed the front of his pants, he kissed the deaf boy’s shoulder and continued palming him while Phil, all of the sudden, peppered Dan’s neck with wet kisses, his tongue darting out once in a while, making Dan’s own cock twitch. Dan’s hands then moved to slowly unbutton the other boy’s trousers and slipped his hands in, now palming him through his boxer-briefs which elicited a whine from the deaf boy. He then slipped his hand even further into his boxers and gripped the boy’s already wet and hot cock into his hand and gave it a few experimental tugs, his other hand lifted up the boy’s uniform shirt and revealed a whole expanse of smooth and pale skin as his hands continued to rub his nipple around with his thumb, and the deaf boy just let out a strangled gasp, whimpering panting uncontrollably as he thrust up Dan’s hand.

Dan turned his head and quickly captured Phil’s lips again into a messy kiss to swallow his moans, their tongues and teeth clashing together as Dan let out a deep noise at the back of his throat, his hands still working on Phil’s cock and nipple. But Phil pulled away from the kiss again, looking up and down at Dan like he wanted to do something, _anything_ , to please him.

“D-Dan….I…I want…” he managed to pant while Dan’s hands slowed down to a stop. One of the deaf boy’s hand suddenly slipped down from Dan’s back and down to the front of his trousers, feeling the hardness in Dan’s pants as well. Phil hummed a moan when he stared at Dan’s face, the other boy’s eyes fluttering close and his tongue darting out to lick his own lips as Phil palmed Dan through his jeans, which must be hurting because he was wearing those damn skinny jeans that haunted Phil in his dreams.

Dan seemed to get the idea, he nodded as he opened his eyes to Phil leaning in for a kiss again, a sweet one. He adjusted Phil’s legs onto his sides again as he slowly pushed Phil down the cold concrete floor until he was laying down fully, their lips not breaking.

When Dan pulled away, he bracketed his arms on the side of Phil’s head and just appreciated the deaf boy’s wanton expression, his legs spreading even wider underneath Dan. Phil’s hands then went to his zipper again and unbuttoned Dan’s skinny jeans, Dan helping him out afterwards when he tried to slip them down his thighs, his boxers coming down with them which revealed his wet and heavy cock, making Phil groan just by seeing it. He also did the same for Phil, slipping his school trousers down with his pants until it revealed his leaking cock.

“Fuck…” Dan groaned staring at both their lengths as he lowered his hips and began rubbing his naked cock against Phil’s, which made Phil moan so loud it echoed around the belfry. Phil’s kicked down his trousers until his legs were free and he was able to wrap them around Dan’s waist, thrusting up into him over and over again, their cocks rubbing together seamlessly due to the wetness of the pre-come. Dan panted unevenly as he matched Phil’s thrusts, his entire body hot and his mind completely foggy with hunger and lust.  

Phil, on the other hand, couldn’t stop the stream of moans coming out his mouth as Dan’s cock repeatedly rubbed under the head of his own cock. Dan could tell he was close, so he lifted his hand from Phil’s side and gripped both their cocks together and stroked them both to their peaks, leaning down to kiss Phil as he rubbed his index finger on Phil’s slit. And that was it to make Phil come.

He gave out a high pitched groan into Dan’s mouth as his back arched into Dan’s hand and his cock spurted out strings of hot, white liquid. The feeling of Phil’s warm come on Dan’s cock was all it took to bring Dan to the edge as well. He followed his orgasm, his cock spazzing in his hand next to Phil’s as their mess pooled down on Phil’s naked stomach and all over Dan’s hand.

They both dropped down on the floor and tried to catch their breaths, Dan rolling over and laying down next to Phil. After Dan caught his breath, he shrugged down his jeans and underwear, holding his own boxers in one hand as he wiped his hands on it. He later on wiped the mess in Phil’s stomach as well, even though the deaf boy was still coming down from his high, he still managed to give Dan a tired smile.

Phil slowly sat up to reach his own pants and wore them before lying back down the floor to cuddle up into Dan’s side, Dan happily wrapping his arms around the boy and kissed his forehead as the boy hummed happily into his chest.

 _This is nice,_ Dan thought. Everything else afterwards felt so good. This was all he ever wanted— his arms wrapped around Phil, cuddling him in post-sex, this alone could make him the happiest man on earth. Dan felt like he was on cloud nine thousand and he didn’t know when he was going to go down, he just wanted to stay like this forever.

His hand carefully stroked down Phil messy hair, subconsciously humming a Muse song into at the same time. During all of the cuddling and humming, he leaned down near Phil’s ear, not at all caring that Phil couldn’t hear him but he wanted to say it anyway. It was also for his own benefit. It was something that he didn’t want to admit to himself, but now it feels like the perfect time to admit it.

“I love you, Phil…” he whispered in his ear, which made Phil perk up like he heard what Dan said. He stared at Dan, looking confused with that soft smile that was still plastered on to his face.

Instead of signing it (because his hands and arms were occupied), he just repeated the words and hoped that Phil could read his lips, “I, love, you….”

The deaf boy’s smile dropped as his eyes lifted from Dan’s lips to his eyes, his eyes were filled with so much love and awe. All of the sudden, he leaned up and sweetly pressed their lips together, the kiss later becoming more passionate.

When they both pulled away, Phil’s lips quivered up into a big smile and whispered back, “I love you too.”

* * *

   
After the events at the belfry, a lot of things had changed. When Dan and Phil were at school, they were always seen together. They eat together in the canteen, they study together in the library, they walk to school together, they walk home together— they were almost inseparable.

Due to their inseparability, Dan became Phil’s interpreter around school. Because of this, Phil was able to voice out more of his opinions and insights in classes and towards other students. He was also able to befriend a lot of wonderful hearing people, it was almost life changing and Phil was so thankful he had Dan as an interpreter.     

Even though they were inseparable, they weren’t into PDA. Sometimes they would walk down the hall with their hands link, but that was about it. For a while, at least. As time passed, they started holding hands around a lot more often. And then they started to exchange small pecks in public. And then the long hugs.  

The ‘rumours’ people spread around the school about Dan and Phil were finally put to rest when they saw the boys link hands down the hall for the first time. They still hear about the snide comments on Dan using Phil and the disgusted attitude towards Dan were still in play.

But as the weeks go by, people start to notice that Dan had stopped attending parties to hook up. And then those snide comments turned into sweet compliments on how cute they were together and how lucky Phil was to have someone like Dan to love him. The disgusted attitude turned into ‘aww’s and soft smiles whenever they were seen walking down the hall together. It was a big and nice change.

Dan and Phil could always feel eyes on them. Whenever they walked to school, walked the hall, in class, and whenever they walked home. But instead of feeling a ball of rage, Dan now loved the attention. He loved the fact that people can see how much he loved and cared about the deaf boy. He wanted the entire school to know how amazing Phil was and how much he changed Dan’s life for the better.

He wanted the entire school to know that because of Phil Lester, Dan Howell was now the happiest man to ever graduate in their high school.


End file.
